Don't miss out on letting someone love you.

Since I have been at training in California, I have learned so much. I don't think I can include everything in this post but I will highlight some important things.

Training has been better than I could ever imagine. I have so much respect for this organization (Teach Overseas) and God's call for them to train teachers to be a light to unreached areas of the world. The TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) lessons are really helpful. The alum are continuously giving us practical applications of activities that we can use in our classroom. We actually get a chance to do the activities with each other and make up our own.

Not only are we learning practical application of topics like good lesson planning, teaching vocabulary, incorparating listening skills, to name a few---but we are also practicing what we learn each night in local churches and community centers that have ESL programs. Each week day at about 3:45 p.m. my region group (Central Europe) gets to find out who will teach that night. Then the scrambling begins! If your name is called, you are told what level you will teach (beginner, intermediate, or advanced) then you create a lesson in about 2 hours. It is part-stressful, part-fun and I always feel like I am on Project Runaway, when they have a certain time limit to make the perfect garment.

The 2nd day of training, I taught a lesson to a group of Hispanic men about names of rooms in a house, where they labeled a blueprint of a house and created their own based on the floor plan of their house. It was cool to see that it was not as daunting as I had imagined and I easily morphed into my "teacher mode."

Another admirable thing about Teach Overseas' philosophy is that they continually incorporate debriefing into what we do, whether it is after doing a team-building activity or giving a lesson. So far I have taught about three lessons and it is always really funny because in debrief the first thing the alum will ask is "How do you think it went?" and I will always spout off exactly what I would've changed and how it could have been better.

Because we are teaching language, there is a huge emphasis on getting our students to speak for most of the class time (preferably 80%). So I have to change my perspective on lesson formating that I am used to where the teacher guides and speaks for much of the lesson. For someone to truly increase their fluency in a language they must get ample opportunities to speak in that language; this method completely immerses the students in the English language.

Training also has provided me with forums for conversations that help us to build a real community with our teammates. I feel like I know Alyssa (my roommate) on a pretty deep level for only knowing her one week. How does this happen? We are a part of devotions and guided discussions on topics like conflict, accountability, and culture shock---talking through these things helps me to know how she will respond in various situations and how I can best serve her as a sister in Christ.

All this to say---I was the biggest skeptic of them all. I thought that all the guided questions was maybe too much, too personal, too taxing on me to try to find the right answers (I really struggle with that) but what it can down to is this method of community-building is indispensable for what we do overseas and I will now say how much I love it. I honestly wish I could go back to when I was developing other friendships and ask certain questions or even just create a setting for discussion on things like---what makes you angry or what irritates you when living with someone? Wouldn't you want to know these things before living with someone or being their friend so that you could serve them in the best way possible?

All of this "digging deep" stuff has been a struggle for me and I have made many realizations about the way I think. It is evident to me that God has orchestrated Alyssa and I to be roommates, just based on the interworking of our personalities. It is so cool to see how we can help each other and represent a mini-Christ family as we live in Miskolc. Alyssa has shared with me the things she notices about my personality. She has made comments regarding my personality that I never realized, but they are very much true to who I am.
I struggle to answer deep questions about myself because truthfully I had just never thought about some of them and that I feel rude talking about myself so much. When we have discussions about ourselves, I divert my answer to an example about someone else like a friend or family member instead (Alyssa had to point this out to me). This can come from a place of insecurity that I am not worth it, my story is not good enough, and anything I say won't be articulated in the best way for people to understand. I am so comfortable with inquiring into other's lives and this also can be a crutch for me to not have to say a lot about myself.

I am afraid of people not loving all of me but just what they see on the outside. What I have on the outside is concrete and tangible and I put my hope in that and not who Christ made me to be, who I am in Him. I act confident on the outside but I am so scared that no one will take me seriously or respect my opinions. Not all of this to say, let's have a pity party for me, but to say it has been beneficial for me to realize these things and take them captive. Brush off the things that will weigh me down and be confident in Christ alone. He is my hope, He is my joy.

"For the Lord does not see the way man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

On Sunday I felt convicted about a couple things. I heard a message at two churches, one on diluting the Gospel and the other on spiritual independence. Both of these completely hit home with me and I said, God you are doing some work on me right now! But it is a great thing. First conviction---we are not called to be lukewarm about what we stand for, we do not need to make the message easier for people to handle or be afraid that we step on any toes. We are hypocrites if we claim Jesus and act another way. Second conviction---I am guilty, as so many are, of keeping my faith to myself and not becoming a real working part of the body of Christ. One thing that was said was--- "If you are not open with people, you are missing out on an opportunity to let someone love you." Boom. The Truth.

I have realized that my fears can hinder me but I have the chance to be different now. I want to let you know all those things about me, things I think, but would never say. I want to be vulnerable to all of my friends who read this blog, to share my heart with you now---an invitation to love all of me.

Until next time...I will be off learning some more new things!